My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
