I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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