he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Randomize
