Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life