He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
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Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
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I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.