Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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