I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?