Texts From Last Night

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  (703): View more from Virginia

  it wasn't lemon gatorade

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  (703): it wasn't lemon gatorade http://tfl.nu/yeyb
  Replies (22) Good night (1441) Bad night (18051)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.

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  (918): I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass. http://tfl.nu/pyjz
  Replies (15) Good night (746) Bad night (5217)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else

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  (630): I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else http://tfl.nu/09lv
  Replies (13) Good night (4311) Bad night (874)
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  (757): View more from Virginia

  Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.

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  (757): Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well. http://tfl.nu/ul8d
  Replies (12) Good night (5314) Bad night (1619)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.

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  (917): He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house. http://tfl.nu/rgic
  Replies (10) Good night (2614) Bad night (1179)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"

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  (541): So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that" http://tfl.nu/ex2y
  Replies (12) Good night (2622) Bad night (1030)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??

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  (505): Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again?? http://tfl.nu/9q8l
  Replies (2) Good night (1234) Bad night (376)
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.

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  (256): Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention. http://tfl.nu/44p2
  Replies (4) Good night (1217) Bad night (368)
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  (530): View more from California

  so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.

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  (530): so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong. http://tfl.nu/gz7f
  Replies (4) Good night (810) Bad night (389)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.

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  (205): I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again. http://tfl.nu/ogwa
  Replies (9) Good night (1140) Bad night (589)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be

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  (505): Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be http://tfl.nu/c3xl
  Replies (1) Good night (626) Bad night (302)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.

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  (409): It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm. http://tfl.nu/laz7
  Replies (1) Good night (463) Bad night (275)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....

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  (517): My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m.... http://tfl.nu/8r4i
  Replies (2) Good night (921) Bad night (218)
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  (212): View more from New York

  He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.

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  (212): He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed. http://tfl.nu/sg9n
  Replies (1) Good night (473) Bad night (306)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.

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  (425): For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk. http://tfl.nu/75eh
  Replies (1) Good night (251) Bad night (142)

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