You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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