Don't make out with my wife yet
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
