Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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