Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
