I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
