the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
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