stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Randomize
