I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
