Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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