So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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