You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
