the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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