You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Randomize
