how can u be prego again
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
