He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize