I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
