I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
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