I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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