farters have to be the big spoon...
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
