Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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