Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
