something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
