Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
