Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
