We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
