Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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