loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Randomize
