I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
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Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
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I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
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