I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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