Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Randomize
