you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
