I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
