Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
