I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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