I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
