Whod you bang
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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