Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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