that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
