The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
