well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Randomize
