Pants 0. Shit 1.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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