Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
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Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
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