So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
