It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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