Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
