so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
