highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
wow bdsm is so cute
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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