I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
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I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I think we might need a safe word for this...
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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