I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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