you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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