ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
