she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
