i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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