Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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