What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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