Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
