I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
