If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
