I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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