Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I met the friendliest cop last night
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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