SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
