why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
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I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
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I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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