So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
