Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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