I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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