I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
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