omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
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