Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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