Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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