Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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